One down, thirty-two to go

Yesterday I actually began my radiation treatments. It went very smoothly. I was on the table for about 40 minutes as they calibrated me, measured me, removed my old tape and marks, put on new marks and four little circles of paper tape, and gave me my first treatment: 30 seconds with the machine in one position, 30 seconds in a second position. I understand that my normal time will be about 10 minutes on the table. And two hours of commute time. *sigh*

The profound sadness that comes from the brokenness of cancer seems to all be focused on these radiation treatments for me. I can't verbalize what it is that makes me sad: I only know that as I go through the humiliating process, I find it profoundly wrong and broken. While I go through the process I pray for God's grace and mercy to bring me healing in this process, and thank Him that it is available to me. But at a soul-level, I sense the longing and groaning of my heart, and of the greater creation, to be freed from this bondage of sin and brokenness. So as I was on that table yesterday, tears ran down my cheeks, and as I got into the car with Dave, I had a good cry.

My friend Valerie told me that perhaps my goal of going without crying was the wrong goal. She may be right (as is so often the case with Valerie...) I guess the Lord has a point in these tears. He is teaching me to number my days. He is leading me to hate the results of the fall and to long for heaven. He is working in ways I will never guess, even through the humiliation of crying. And maybe my goal needs to be to allow Him to do His work in me, and in those around me, even through tears.

If I don't have to interrupt my treatment for any reason (problems with the machine, flu or other illness with me, or severe reactions on my skin) I should finish my treatments on Friday, September 5. We plan to leave for Tim's wedding on Wednesday, Sept. 10. But as a friend at church reminded me Sunday, if there is an interruption, even that will be God's good will for me, and I can trust Him there. That is no problem intellectually, and I am working on the emotional part. What an opportunity to learn to trust Him!

So, Monday through Friday for the next 6 or 7 weeks, I'll be heading to Santa Fe for my 11:15 am appointment. I am going to be having friends with me some days for emotional support, and take myself some days. Thus, this part of the journey begins.

Thank you for your continued prayers for me. Here are some specifics:
Praise God that the treatments have started and are going well, and ask that they would continue to do so.
Praise God that I can chase this cancer from my body and that my prognosis is so good.
Ask God to strengthen me in Him and to use me in the lives of others for His glory during this time.
Ask God for few side effects, effective treatment, no interruptions to treatment, and to use my tears as long as He has a purpose for them.
Ask God for safe travels during all those miles, and for quick recovery afterwards that I may have the energy to help with and enjoy the wedding.