Friday, July 04, 2008

Fireworks (within and without)

This little guy, and thousands of his friends, are my constant companions on my daily morning and evening walks. There are sometimes so many of them (holding still in the brush so you won't see them) that one can get a rather Alfred Hitchcock, Watership Down feeling of an alternate universe living in warrens all hidden from view. I guess they explain our thriving coyote population...

This morning I drug myself on a walk. I could have a lengthy organ recital if I listed all the parts of me that ache. Don't know why. Except the kids are gone, radiation is looming, and my soul is hurting, too. I had a lot more activity during the last week than I've had in a month, and today is my "crash" time, I guess. So I am working at not taking myself or my body too seriously. As I walked today, instead of taking my mP3 player, I just prayed that God would strengthen me for the day, get me through it, moment-by-moment. Then I came home and prayed with my dear husband, and cried a little, and had breakfast, and took a handful of ibuprofen. And now I am carrying on.

Today is July 4th, and for several years that has meant Ben and Tim go for fireworks, and we grill out for dinner, and we walk to Overlook Park for fireworks, and then we come back to our house with friends for dessert and our own fireworks display in the driveway. I was sure that wouldn't happen today, and if truth be told, it was sad for me. Then, Em called. She and Josh are covering the fireworks detail, and then our families will walk to Overlook together, and sit with hundreds from our little community as the sun sets on the Sangre de Cristo Mountains, and watch fireworks light the sky. Then we'll come home for brownies and ice cream and fellowship and explosives. What could be better than that? {Thank you, Em, for being an excellent friend to this grumpy old woman!}

And herein I see an answer to my morning prayers. The truth is, God always provides. If we can hold on or hold out until we see it, it always comes. He is faithful, and tender, and gracious, even when there are dark and lonely moments or hours or years. I am grateful to God for my achy day. I am grateful to God for my husband and friends and community and country.

Semper fidelis!

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