Doctors...

You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em...

I saw my oncologist last Thursday. The good news is that my anemia is no more, and my iron saturation is improving. Hurrah, and thank you, Lord! She also gave me more reasons why the traditional slow-boat radiation was necessary, so that is good, too, in that our course of action is being confirmed.

I also tried to ask about possible side-effects of tamoxifen, and once again received the condescending "you should think about yourself and get counseling" lecture. This was preceded by the "Gee, I've never heard of these side effects." I've had this in many little forms when people find I do not have a full-time job. But twice now I've gotten the, "You should consider counseling or a support group. Learn to nurture yourself and think about yourself first" speech. Ugh! I was asking about side-effects that I know can exist (thanks to my dear friend Greg), but it was an opportunity for some touchy-feely, beat on the stay-at-home-woman time. In my doc's defense, I think she was trying to meet my needs and encourage me in things that would be good for me. But it was a huge crash of worldviews.

You see, after all these years, I'm getting to know myself pretty well, and I can tell you that I almost never suffer from a lack of nurturing myself. On the contrary, most of my worst problems come from loving myself too well and my God and neighbor too little! I can justify my selfish desires with the best of them. The last thing I need to do is encourage my selfish desires. I was really only trying to sort out the influence the drug might have on me...

This is the second major lecture on this topic I've been given, and both by female doctors, interestingly enough. This was the soft and friendly version. The last time was several years ago, and was not at all soft or friendly, explaining to me that I could not help but be depressed becxause I was staying at home and having nothing whatsoever to do that was meaningful (because, of course, caring for a husband and a home and serving in your church was totally meaningless.) That doc changed her tune when it turned out I really did have something off-kilter physically. My current doc didn't take that tact, but just the popular notion that women are nurturers, and they don't nurture themselves and need to. She suggested counselling, a support group, acupuncture, and massage therapy to help me nurture myself. I know she meant it well, but it just irritated me, and made me feel like I had been suddenly transported to a taping of Oprah or Dr. Phil.

And while I'm listing my irritations with doctors, let me mention that when you ask questions about side-effects within their field, they are less than forth-coming. The radiology oncologist thinks radiation is just peachy for me. My oncologist thinks tamoxifen is no big deal. Geesh. I can read, after all. Just admit it, already!

So, it was a frustrating visit. But at the samre time, what would I do without the excellent care I have received? I have a great prognosis because of a fast-acting and caring primary care, a wonderful surgeon, a competent and careful oncologist, and now people who know what they are doing in radiology. This is another place for me to be thankful.

Doctors. As I said, you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. And have I mentioned that cancer stinks? And that every once in a while, a person who is as selfish as I am, needs to rant and rave for the world to hear?

Phew. Glad that's off my chest. Now I feel better... Way to nurture myself, eh?