Ill-timed providences

I have, by God's grace, completed (or nearly so) two days free from any unwanted episodes of disorientation and inability to focus my eyes. Dave suggested that perhaps I was pushing a bit hard, and need to step back in my exercise and activity level a little, which I have attempted to do, and perhaps it is really helping! I spent most of the day yesterday trying to touch base with my oncologist for a follow-up, only to find that since there was nothing terrible happening in my brain, she would rather I see my primary care for follow-up on the blood pressure issues, and discuss what to do if I have any recurring episodes. I will see my wonderful primary care on Tuesday morning, just before we hit the road on Tuesday evening. Let's hope he is on board with not doing anything until we get back from the wedding!

I had an e-mail from a dear friend today. She said it seems that here, at the end of treatment, with the wedding trip upon us, these troubles seemed so ill-timed. She said it is so comforting that God is with us in the thick and thin of life, whether we understand what is going on or not. This is so true, and while I don't understand all the timing of things, I do trust God to be good in it, no matter what happens. And sometimes I think we get too wrapped up in understanding everything, and not wrapped up enough in the character of God: who He is, and how worthy of praise He is.

I remember hearing a prayer attributed to Luther once, which I thought was simple, but profound. He prayed for the grace not to try to understand, or desire to know, those things that belong only to God. There was a similar passage in Spurgeon last night:

My Lord, I leave the infinite to Thee, and pray Thee to put far from me such a love for the tree of knowledge as might keep me from the tree of life.
~C. H. Spurgeon, Evening by Evening, Sept. 5

These are profound thoughts. I can get carried away with some esoteric point of theology, and loose sight of the big picture. Or I can demand to know why God is doing what He is doing in my life. Either way, I am grasping at being God, instead of humbling myself beneath His hand.

So tonight, I praise God for His mercies to me, and end my day asking Him to give me the grace to love Him without understanding everything He is doing, to trust Him when I can't exactly see what is happening, and magnify His name in my life and this world.