Mental and Spiritual Toughness (or the lack thereof...)

Yesterday afternoon, I allowed myself to feel ever-so-slightly sorry for myself. I don't know if it started because we had planned to be elsewhere before so many difficult things intruded on our lives, or because I was just weary, or because I was being self-indulgent and in a wallowing mood, but once I opened that little crack to despair, the flood gates opened, and I was in for a frustrating and discouraging rest of the day, robbed of joy and peace because I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of myself. (And don't I have an amazing husband who stood by me all day, even in my self-absorption, and loved me well?! God is good to me, even when I'm not appreciating it!)

By last evening, I was miserable. All the walls of comfort the Lord erects for his children, I had allowed to be smashed down just because I loved being the center of the "Woe-is-me" cosmos... And at bedtime, Dave opened Spurgeon, and the word of God through this old Puritan stabbed me straight to the heart. You can read last evening's devotional in its entirety here, but below are the pertinent points the Lord used to convict me:

"Continue in the faith."
--Acts 14:22

Perseverance is the badge of true saints. The Christian life is not a beginning only in the ways of God, but also a continuance in the same as long as life lasts... Perseverance is, therefore, the target of all our spiritual enemies. The world does not object to your being a Christian for a time, if she can but tempt you to cease your pilgrimage, and settle down to buy and sell with her in Vanity Fair. The flesh will seek to ensnare you, and to prevent your pressing on to glory. "It is weary work being a pilgrim; come, give it up. Am I always to be mortified? Am I never to be indulged? Give me at least a furlough from this constant warfare." Satan will make many a fierce attack on your perseverance; it will be the mark for all his arrows. He will strive to hinder you in service: he will insinuate that you are doing no good; and that you want rest...Wear your shield, Christian, therefore, close upon your armour, and cry mightily unto God, that by His Spirit you may endure to the end.

And then this morning, I was reminded again of the importance of talking to myself (and speaking the truth) instead of just listening to myself like I did yesterday. Stephen Altrogge said:

I need to do the hard work of reminding myself of God’s truth. Listening to myself is effortless. It takes no work to let my thoughts run their course. But speaking God’s truth to my soul is crucial. I need to regularly (we’re talking multiple times a day here) remember that God has saved me, is for me, is working all things for my good, delights in me, and is shaping me into his image. I need to remember that nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. Joy will come as I speak truth to my soul.

You can read Stephen's whole post here, and listen to an excellent short excerpt on the same theme from C. J. Mahaney as well.

So, Psalm 30:4-5 is true after all:

4Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
5For his anger is but for a moment,
andhis favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

So, dear readers, please pray with me that I will talk to myself more about the loveliness of Christ, and fight the good fight of faith as I enter another week of resting and waiting. My next appointment is on June 2, and we should get scads of blood work and pathology back, and lay our plan of attack.

Thank you for your prayers!