Being held

I'm almost afraid to write, or say it out loud, but I think that maybe I am noticing a little improvement in my physical stamina and in how I am feeling. It's so little and so gradual...but I think it is really there. I have been able to return to more household chores as well as get to a little sewing from time to time, on top of exercising and resting. What a pleasure to tackle a small project and actually finish it! God is very good to me, in so many ways!

One of the ways God has been good to me is that I got excellent results from my high-resolution CT-scan. Apparently everything looks normal, meaning that I am not dealing with sarcoidosis in my lungs. Hurrah! I must admit that tests and scans post-cancer are tougher than they were pre-cancer. And good news is even better.

So, I am still not running any marathons, but I am dealing with my life as it is, as it comes from the hand of a caring heavenly Father who knows what is best for his children. Next week I have a lung function test, and then see the pulmonary doc again. And in March I have mammograms, and in April another CT scan. I know the Lord will hold me through them all. And on the days I wear out before I want to, and have to stop doing whatever I want to be doing, I will try to remember he is holding me then, too. And he is good. And if some of those future tests bring bad news, I will be held then, too.

I love the words to the following song, because it talks honestly about what it means for God to hold us. It doesn't mean no bad things will ever happen to us. It means when they do, we are held.

“Held” by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.