My trip to the oncologist...

I saw my oncologist on Monday.  And I found it to be encouraging at the time.  It turns out that I am NOT HER-2 positive.  I am negative after doing a more sensitive test, and that is good news for my prognosis. I will, however, be having a couple of major surgeries, and likely go on aromatase inhibitors, after I have one of the major surgeries to force me into menopause.  The other surgery will remove all breast tissue.  You know I was doing some tough reading when this sounded like very good news to me!

My cheerful optimism gave way to dark despair briefly as I grappled with the realities of what is happening.  I couldn't even remember ANY Scripture in the middle of the night, so scattered and confused was my brain!  But God is good, and gives us a song in the night. I got up and started to read psalms, and came upon Psalm 17:8, which says:

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
   hide me in the shadow of your wings

That became my prayer, and i repeated it over and over to myself. Today is a better day, and last night I slept like a babe in the arms of my Savior-- praise God! I'm afraid this is the roller-coaster I may be on for some time.

So now, we are making surgery decisions, talking to multiple doctors, making appointments, and trying to make difficult decisions.  But I am so encouraged that my prognosis is a good one.  So, Gentle Reader, please praise God with me that:

• I turned out to be HER-2 negative- a direct answer to prayer
• My prognosis is excellent
• I am getting sound medical advice (special thanks to me second-opinion-go-to-friend, G. M., for his help!)
• I am surrounded by God's love in my family and friends.

Ans please ask God that:

• We would make good decisions regarding my surgeries, and have access to all the information we need..
• My tumor would not grow or change while those decisions are made.
• That I would rest in the arms of Christ, knowing that none of this is a surprise to Him, and trusting that His plan for my life is for my good and His glory.

My Trip to Chicago

Our recent trip to Chicago found us taking the train into the city on a drizzly afternoon and staying as evening fell.  Downtown is beautiful as the lights come on, as is evident from the photos my brother Matt took with the HDR program on his I-phone.

 Then I road the train back later in the week and enjoyed a day with my brother at the Chicago Art Institute.  I fed my soul of the beauties of art there, and the sweet conversation with my youngest brother.  I am not sure that I have ever had a day alone with him, since he is the youngest and I am the eldest of 6 children, and the opportunity really never presented itself before.  It was a treat in every way. Below, I am with one of the famous bronze lions in front of the Art institute.  He is all gussied up for Christmas.  And you should hear, Gentle Reader, the sound of a cappella caroling in the great staircase inside!  It was delightful.

It was an odd week in many ways, but an enjoyable one!  We had dinner on Thursday evening with Matt and his wife, Maria, and daughter Zoe at their house in the city.  While there, we played with a little app that makes music videos using templates on the app and short recorded sounds.  I thought you might enjoy the silly results!

Thank you, Matt, for making my week so very lovely!

Sabbath Songs

 If it has been a while since you read the poem this carol is based upon, Gentle Reader, do so now:

It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by Edmund Sears, 1849

It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold:
"Peace on the earth, goodwill to men
From heavens all gracious King!"
The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

Still through the cloven skies they come,
With peaceful wings unfurled;
And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world:
Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

O ye beneath life's crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow;
Look now, for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing;
Oh rest beside the weary road
And hear the angels sing.

For lo! the days are hastening on,
By prophets seen of old,
When with the ever-circling years
Shall come the time foretold,
When the new heaven and earth shall own
The Prince of Peace, their King,
And the whole world send back the song
Which now the angels sing.

 

A hard announcement

I've been thinking for a few days about how to write this post, and I still don't know how to begin.  So I will begin anyway, and trust you, Gentle Readers.

Last week, before traveling to Chicago with Dave, I had a routine mammogram, ultrasound, and a breast core biopsy done.  On Monday of this week, just after a lovely adventure in downtown Chicago and as we returned to the hotel, I heard those words again that no one wants to hear: malignancy, cancer, treatment options.  I was just undone for that first night.

But then, people started to pray for me as I slowly began to tell my closest friends, my family, and the elders of our church.  And God was gracious to lift me through their prayers, and remind me that none of this is a surprise to God, and that He has a good plan here.

So, here is what I know (and what I don't.) I have a new primary breast cancer in the other breast.  It is small (and for the medical geeks among you, 8x5x7 mm, without lymphovascular infiltration, ER/PR+ and HER2++.)  Further FISH tests and oncotyping are still being done.  I will need some kind of surgery.  I will need some plan for treatment beyond surgery. I will need further scans.  I will see my oncologist on Tuesday. I will call a surgeon and try to get an appointment for next week some time. I am now considered a "multi-focal breast cancer" patient, and I am no longer taking tamoxifen, since its job was to prevent a recurrence, and it did not. I don't know how this will really affect my life and responsibilities until a plan is made.

And, like during my last breast cancer treatment, I will try to keep updates here, all labelled "Cancer Journey", and if you want to see the latest, just search by that label, and everything will come up frm the newest to the oldest.

And what can you pray for me?  I thought you'd never ask, Gentle Reader...

• Pray that I would face this courageously and be a good soldier for Jesus. 
• Pray that I wold not despair, but trust God and make Him my sure resting place, and be able to sleep well and stay otherwise healthy.
• Pray that the cancer would not spread, and that we would quickly formulate the best treatment plan.
• Pray that I would be wise in making decisions not only about treatment, but about my life and teaching and what needs to stay and what needs to go.
• Pray for my family and friends, who suffer alongside me.

So, here I am again, where I hoped never to be.   This is round 2 of the cancer journey for me, but Dave had about four rounds before me, so we have spent our whole married life (31.5 years) battling this outside enemy.  As I think of that, it reminds me all I have to be grateful for.  Please join me in praising God for the following specifics:

•  That the only battles Dave and i have had to fight are external to us (disease), and that Dave continues to be an amazing source of comfort and support for me, as do the my kids and family and friends.  For this i am so thankful!
• This was again found very early on a routine mammogram.
• God prepared the way for me to go on travel with Dave so we were not apart when the news was received.
• I have good caregivers who are on my team, good insurance to cover the costs, and wonderful family and friends to walk this journey with me.
• I have an amazing God who meets my needs here and gives me hope of a future with Him, where every tear will be dried, and every trial put away.

For these things I am grateful. And I so appreciate your prayers!

Sabbath Songs

All My Heart this Night Rejoices by Paul Gerhdt, 1656
Translated by Catherine Winkworth, 1858

All my heart this night rejoices,
As I hear, far and near, sweetest angel voices;
“Christ is born,” their choirs are singing,
Till the air, everywhere, now their joy is ringing.
For it dawns, the promised morrow
Of His birth, who the earth rescues from her sorrow.
God to wear our form descendeth;
Of His grace to our race here His Son He sendeth.
Yea, so truly for us careth,
That His Son, all we’ve done, as our offering beareth;
As our Lamb Who, dying for us,
Bears our load, and to God, doeth in peace restore us.
Hark! a voice from yonder manger,
Soft and sweet, doth entreat, “Flee from woe and danger;
Brethren, come; from all that grieves you
You are freed; all you need I will surely give you.”
Come, then, let us hasten yonder;
Here let all, great and small, kneel in awe and wonder,
Love Him Who with love is yearning;
Hail the star that from far bright with hope is burning.
Ye who pine in weary sadness,
Weep no more, for the door now is found of gladness.
Cling to Him, for He will guide you
Where no cross, pain or loss, can again betide you.
Hither come, ye poor and wretched:
Know His will is to fill every hand outstretchèd;
Here are riches without measure,
Here forget all regret, fill your hearts with treasure.
Blessèd Savior, let me find Thee!
Keep Thou me close to Thee, cast me not behind Thee!
Life of life, my heart Thou stillest,
Calm I rest on Thy breast, all this void Thou fillest.
Thee, dear Lord, with heed I’ll cherish;
Live to Thee and with Thee, dying, shall not perish;
But shall dwell with Thee for ever,
Far on high, in the joy that can alter never.
Forth today the Conqueror goeth,
Who the foe, sin and woe, death and hell, o’erthroweth.
God is man, man to deliver;
His dear Son now is one with our blood forever.
Shall we still dread God’s displeasure,
Who, to save, freely gave His most cherished Treasure?
To redeem us, He hath given
His own Son from the throne of His might in Heaven.
Should He who Himself imparted
Aught withhold from the fold, leave us broken hearted?
Should the Son of God not love us,
Who, to cheer sufferers here, left His throne above us?
If our blessèd Lord and Maker
Hated men, would He then be of flesh partaker?
If He in our woe delighted,
Would He bear all the care of our race benighted?
He becomes the Lamb that taketh
Sin away and for aye full atonement maketh.
For our life His own He tenders
And our race, by His grace, meet for glory renders.

Guy time

Tomorrow afternoon, I am heading out with my sweetie as he heads out on a work trip.  We're heading to Chicagoland, and I hope to visit with my brother and his family while there.  I hope to have some reading and old-movie watching as well.  And I will teach my online classes, and I  might even take in some of the sights of the Windy City.  The best part, however, will be  time with my favorite guy: talking in the car, reading beside him on the plane, cuddling and having a few hours each evening with just the two of us. I love this guy, and look forward to time with him!

Embracing the crooks in my lot

I am often amazed at how ministry works out in my life.  I often think of ways I'd love to minister to others, but it seems God always has other ideas.  The jobs I want to take on are often beyond my grasp, and the ones placed in my path are usually the ones I would rather not pursue.  I suppose this is just another clear signal that I have a long way to go yet, until I recognize that the ministry God gives me is the best for His glory and my good.

Until I get to that place, where I better recognize the work of His hand, I will try to embrace the crooks in my lot, and, no, I don't mean the burglars in my yard.  I mean to accept the bends in my path as coming from a good and powerful God, with trust that He knows best.  Rest, my soul, in your good God.  And may you rest there, too, Gentle Reader.