Singing a new song...

Lately I have been mourning the loss of something.  That something is my singing voice.  Now, my husband insists I still sing "just fine", but he can't fool me.  For the last several years, the changes have been large and startling: lack of control, lack of flexibility, lack of timbre.  However you want to describe it, much of what I once possessed in the way of signing is gone.

Sometimes I have wondered why.  I have wondered if there have been changes on a cellular level due to the tamoxifen I am taking for treating breast cancer.  Or if my cough-variant asthma has scarred my vocal chords.  Or if the mediastinoscopy I had nicked or bruised something down there.  But whatever the case, something I always took for granted: being able to sing well and pretty much exactly as I wanted to, pretty much anywhere, for anything, in front of anyone, is no longer a gift I enjoy. 

Now before you feel too sad for me, Gentle Reader, let me tell you the ways the removal of that gift has blessed me.

First of all, God went before me and removed me from my beloved job with the Homeschool Chorus before my voice became a real problem.  At the time, I mourned that loss, too.  But the truth is, I could not do the chorus with the current state of affairs, vocally speaking.  So God went before me, and not wanting to break this bruised reed, He removed that first.  And then he provided many new teaching opportunities that I would never have tried, had I still been directing the Chorus.

Secondly, it occurs to me that I have spent my whole life telling others, often those with lesser vocal capabilities than myself, that what matters to God is not the objective quality of our voices, but our willingness to praise Him with it.  Now I have the opportunity to put my proverbial money where my singing voice is.

And lastly, this is a real reminder to me to hold this world loosely, and look to heaven.  The gifts and ministries, the fun and frenzy of this world, is a temporary thing.  It will pass away.  But there is a place where my singing voice will be exactly what it was created to be, and where I will be part of a chorus so incredible, singing to a God so awesome, that we will want to sing in it for eternity.  It is a good thing to remember that this world is not our home.  The longing and mourning we feel now is because we know, deep within our hearts, that we were created for something better, something more.

So now I follow the admonition of the Psalmist to sing a new song, even if it is not as beautiful a song as I might wish.  Because the song is not about the singer, but about the One in whose praise we sing it.

 ^{Psalm 98
1} Sing to the LORD a new song,
       for he has done marvelous things;
       his right hand and his holy arm
       have worked salvation for him.
 ² The LORD has made his salvation known
       and revealed his righteousness to the nations.
 ³ He has remembered his love
       and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
       all the ends of the earth have seen
       the salvation of our God.
 ⁴ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
       burst into jubilant song with music;
 ⁵ make music to the LORD with the harp,
       with the harp and the sound of singing,
 ⁶ with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
       shout for joy before the LORD, the King.
 ⁷ Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
       the world, and all who live in it.
 ⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands,
      Let the mountains sing together for joy; ⁹ let them sing before the LORD,
       for he comes to judge the earth.
       He will judge the world in righteousness
       and the peoples with equity.