Acts of God

Today my radiation treatment was canceled. It seems that yesterday, while we were losing our power all over Los Alamos, an electrical transformer near the cancer center in Santa Fe was hit by lightening, and caused two of the cancer center's computers to "blow up". So no treatments today. We are hoping they will be back online by Monday. It also means that my end date moves from September 5 to at least Monday, Sept. 8. We leave for Tim's wedding on September 10. This is not how I wanted things to go. It made feel angry and it made me cry.

But why was I crying and who was I angry with? I don't attribute the kind of power to cause lightening strikes to the staff at the cancer center. Can't be mad at them. God is the only one I know who controls the lightening. And how can I be mad at Him when experience and Scripture both show me that He is not only in control, but He is good. But if I look at my heart more honestly, I was mad at God because He was over-ruling my plan, my wisdom, my desires. What tenuous ground that is to try to stand on. God is God, and I am not. It is testimony to my own foolishness that I ever get angry when He so clearly redirects my plans. So, I had a little cry, preached the truth to myself, and now I begin the work of reminding myself of that truth.

From our puny perspective, it is sometimes hard to see what God has in mind for His children. And if you read Scripture, you can see how tough it can be when you are counted as His friend. As one of the characters in the Princess Bride says, "Life is pain, princess. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell something." God's children get cancer, get robbed, get in accidents, and suffer for His name. Our perspective is too tiny to take in the whole plan. And what keeps me from despair are the glimpses I get of His goodness, and the hope for things unseen that will justify Him in the end. This is walking by faith and not by sight. And it is a painful thing to do, sometimes seeming like pretty cold comfort. But it is comfort all the same. It is Truth, so I either embrace it or wander into a universe without meaning. That would be despair indeed.

As I struggle with an interruption to my treatment schedule, about 8 hours north of here I have a teenage student engaged in the battle for her life against lymphoma. Her parents are watching, helpless, as their hopes and dreams keep being lost and altered. They have no choice but to hope in the One who made and controls all things to have a better plan for them and their sweet daughter than they can see, or than they do for themselves. I can do no other.

Keep praying for me to walk with the eyes and heart of faith. And please pray for my student and friend, Becca, and her family, as they face the same challenge.