A stream-of-conscience update

Yesterday I was pretty tired from the weekend fun, and started the day with even more fun: a C-T scan. The nice technician, C, couldn't get my IV started. After some amount of pushing, shoving and digging, he began eying my other arm. Ever since the surgery and lymph node removal over there, I am supposed to tell people "NO!" when they want to use my left arm, so I did, and C began eying the back of my hand for a whole new approach. I explained that the whole hand thing didn't appeal to me. To his credit, C said, "Yeah, it hurts a lot more..." So I left C to his own thoughts and prayed for divine intervention. C then said, "Let me see if I can find someone else to try this." Hurrah, God! C returned shortly with K, who has easily been working in the radiology department my whole adult life, and inspires confidence. But K had a tough time, too, though it did appear he eventually got it in and going. When it was time for that odd feeling of the contrast to rush through my body, however, it came with some arm pain that I had not felt before. I was just about to ignore the recorded voice that was saying, "Breath; hold your breath." and holler for C when it stopped hurting, so I continued and finished my test, glad to get it over with and get home for a nap!

Later in the day I went out to finish cleaning out one of my flower beds and enjoy the beautiful Spring day. The warmth of the sun encouraged me to take off my sweatshirt, and when I did, I discovered a huge, bulging, purple bruise about an inch above the injection site. I have never had anything like it in previous tests, so I called the radiology department, and they told me to ice it and elevate it. That did help, and today already it is fading. But I guess my veins were determined not to bow even to the exprience of K yesterday.

This also reminds me of my determination not to bow to the fatigue and weariness I feel some days. I think over all my energy level is slowly improving. Then I have days like today. Last night I had a pain episode (I have self-diagnosed ovarian cysts...) and woke tired and weary. But I determined to tough through it, and met my friend Kelley for a little walk up on the Hill. We had only done about a third of our usual walk when I knew I had to cut it short. By the time we had returned to our starting point, I was shaking, sweating, and faint. Why don't I listen to my body instead of giving it orders all the time? Why don't I hear when it cries "Rest, rest!" instead of just pushing ahead with my agenda as if I have the power to overcome such things?

And that reminds me of how I listen to the Lord sometimes (or more appropriately, don't listen). He guides me by His word and by the events and people He brings into my life. And sometimes He is telling me things very clearly, but because I don't want to hear them, I plunge ahead as if what I want is what matters. What foolishness. So this afternoon, I'm resting and reflecting on the fact that I am not in control of my life or anything else. But I know the One who is, and He is gentle and good, and doesn't do anything without a gracious reason for it.

Please keep the following things in your prayers:
*For good results from the C-T scan yesterday, which I should receive at a doctor's appointment on the 24th (a week from Friday)
*For continued health and growing strength
*For sensitivity to the voice of God in my life, and the desire to follow His lead and calling

A wonderful weekend...

This weekend didn't go the way we expected, but it was full of fun and surprises and people we love! Here are just a few of them... the ones with whom I remembered to take out my camera...

Tim and Nikki arrived on Friday morning. It is always such a joy to have our kids around! Our friend Katie Page came and had lunch with us on her way out of town on Friday.



In addition to the full weekend of Easter activity at church, we also were celebrating the home-going of an elderly saint from church. One of the wonderful parts of that celebration was the arrival of Amy, Molly and Lillie for the weekend. What a treat to be with folks who feel like family!


Above is my name-sake, little Abigail Christine. Isn't she adorable? And look at her beautiful big sister, Molly, who quickly found her favorite place at my house, behind the couch and with the picture books!

And this wasn't all. We managed to catch our dear friend Em, home for spring break, and friends Rebecca and Quinn stopped by for a night of vailing tea and Quiddler, and Sunday included a Hanson family dinner in Rio Rancho with Grams and Gramps and the Browns. For all of these dear family and friends, however, I forgot to get out my camera, so you'll have to take my word for it! And now you'll know why I needed not one, but two naps today!

Love , Crucified, Arose!

Christ is risen. He is risen indeed!

Love Crucified Arose by Michael Card
Long ago He blessed the earth
Born older than the years
And in the stall a cross He saw
Through the first of many tears
A life of homeless wandering
Cast out in sorrow's way
The Shepherd seeking for the lost
His life, the price He paid

Love crucified, arose
The Risen One in splendor
Jehovah soul Defender
Has won the victory
Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again

Throughout Your life You felt the weight
Of what You'd come to give
To drink for us that crimson cup
So we might really live
At last the time to love and die
The dark appointed day
That one forsaken moment
When Your Father turned His face away

Love crucified, arose
The One who lived the died for me
Was Satan's nail-pierced casualty
Now He's breathing once again

Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again

Love crucified, arose
The Risen One in splendor
Jehovah soul defender
Has won the victory

Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
for the heart that sin and sorrow broke
is beating once again

Love crucified, arose
The One who lived and died for me
Was Satan's nail-pierced casualty
Now He's breathing once again

Thinking about Good Friday

Lord, the condemnation was yours,
that the justification might be mine.

The agony was yours,
that the victory might be mine.

The pain was yours,
and the ease mine.

The stripes were yours,
and the healing balm issuing from them mine.

The vinegar and gall were yours,
that the honey and sweet might be mine.

The curse was yours,
that the blessing might be mine.

The crown of thorns was yours,
that the crown of glory might be mine.

The death was yours,
the life purchased by it mine.

You paid the price
that I might enjoy the inheritance.

John Flavel (1671), from his sermon, "The Solemn Consecration of the Mediator," in The Fountain of Life Opened Up: or, A Display of Christ in His Essential and Mediatorial Glory.

(Thanks to JT for this and other great thoughts this Good Friday)

Thinking about Easter

A few interesting things have come across my computer this week as we approach the celebration of the Resurrection of Christ.

Here and here are a couple of myth-busting articles about the origins of Easter.

Here is an interesting site where you can listen to the passion narrative from the gospel of John in Gregorian chant, complete with an English translation to follow. Peaceful, beautiful music!

Below is a video excerpt from a talk at a Desiring God conference. (Thanks to JT) It is an illustration of what the gospel really is, and isn't: it is God desiring to love a sinful and rebellious people, including me! It's not about legalistic or moralistic formulas for living according to some set of rules. It's about the love of Christ, so powerful and practical and sufficient that even sinful, broken, and sometimes pathetic people like me can be the object of love and adoption by the Creator of the universe through his son, Jesus. If you don't know Jesus, now is a perfect time. If you need an introduction, let me know.

Thinking about death

This week I'm thinking a lot about death. Several thing motivate these thoughts.

First, an elderly lady in our congregation, who was a charter member of our church, went home to be with the Lord last Sunday, and plans are under way for her burial and memorial service this week. She was a prayer warrior, a faithful heart.

Second, all my recent physical activity has left me sore and hurting in every muscle group I can think of. When I am trying to wake up in the morning and everything hurts, my thoughts turn to the time when I won't hurt any more, and that most likely won't be until I'm with the Lord. So my early morning meditations are realistic reminders that this world is not all there is, and through Christ we have passage into a better place one day, when we lay down the suffering here. They are also meditations on the nature of dying to self every day, and looking for what the lord has for me to do each day. If it was just up to me, I would likely stay in bed. But the Lord calls me to follow his example, take up the cross before me (my physical pain in this instance), and follow His lead with my day. It's a good thing He gives me the strength to proceed!

Third, it's Passion week. As Christians, we remember the suffering and death born for us by our Savior, Jesus Christ, in anticipation of his resurrection. Without that death, my redemption was not possible. And because of it, I have a relationship with the Creator of the universe. That's something to contemplate!

At the Memorial Service on Saturday, I'll be singing the wonderful song below at the beginning of the service . These words are good ones to be hiding in one's heart.

I Will Glory In My Redeemer by Steve and Vikki Cook

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle’s wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I’ll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

Some thoughts on the season

I love Easter season. I love the way the thought of resurrection is all around us as dead things emerge from the earth, and dead branches begin to bloom. I love pondering the victory of Christ over the grave, and the depth of the love that drove him to the cross.

Tim Bayly posted a wonderful poem , written by his late father, on his blog here. I found it thought-provoking:

A Psalm for Palm Sunday

King Jesus
why did you choose
a lowly ass
to carry you
to ride in your parade?
Had you no friend
who owned a horse
—a royal mount with spirit
fit for a king to ride?
Why choose an ass
small unassuming
beast of burden
trained to plow
not carry kings.

King Jesus
why did you choose
me
a lowly unimportant person
to bear you
in my world today?
I’m poor and unimportant
trained to work
not carry kings
—let alone the Kings of kings
and yet you’ve chosen me
to carry you in triumph
in this world’s parade.
King Jesus
Keep me small
so all may see
how great you are
keep me humble
so all may say
Blessed is he who cometh in the name
of the Lord
not what a great ass he rides.
~Joe Bayly